➵ here's a l e t t e r for y o u . . .

I don't get you ...
I can't forget what you've forgotten
all along
I've never been so alone...

Don't Cry Out
Cease Fire

I was pretending
Your secret kiss of confidence
Was my escape
The perfect game to play...

Don't Cry Out
Cease Fire

Ten nine eight and I'm breaking away
I'm all dressed up and I'm ready to play
Seven six five four and I'm all over you
Counting three two one and I'm having fun...

Your fascination...
With naked walls of silk and skin
With no conditions
I needed you to notice...
That's all I wanted

Ten nine eight and I'm breaking away
I'm all dressed up and I'm ready to play
Seven six five four and I'm all over you
Counting three two one and I'm having fun...
Ten nine eight and I'm breaking away
I'm all dressed up and I'm ready to play
Seven six five four and I'm all over you
Counting three two one and I'm having fun...

Don't cry out
cease fire


Ten nine eight and I'm breaking away
I'm all dressed up and I'm ready to play
Seven six five four and I'm all over you
Counting three two one and I'm having fun...
Ten nine eight and I'm breaking away
I'm all dressed up and I'm ready to play
Seven six five four and I'm all over you
Counting three two one and I'm having fun...

I'm just going to use my trusty Livejournal as a key for ranting purposes: You've been warned.

I've been very depressed over this weekend...ever since early Saturday.
I hate humanity, I hate people and I just wish I had someone that was truly there for me. I feel like even my own family can't even connect with me on a level that would make me feel like less crap.

I'm tired of always trying and dropping everything for others when they have problems and yet when the tables are turned only two people give a shit enough to call or message me.

I miss my friendships from high school. When you saw someone once every day and at that time, just felt like you would be at each other's side forever. What the fuck happened to that?

The same people I used to cry over old notes with are the same people I feel secretly hate me, and I feel like having a conversation with them now is like dealing with an advertising client. I have to be fake as shit and get to the point sharply or I will have my head bitten off.

I'm very sad. I'm very hurt.
I know I'm not perfect, I've made a lot of mistakes, and sure maybe I have my dumbass moments, but to anyone that actually gives three shits to read this, you know my heart has always been in the right place no matter what has happened ever.

Oh, and the 10 pounds I lost preparing myself for this cruise that ended up not happening, I've gained back with McDonald's, Pizza Hut and candy from Blockbuster. FML.

If I could escape
I would, but first of all let me say
I must apologize for acting stinkin',treating you this way
Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator door
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold

If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world (own world)
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
And tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

If I could be sweet (be sweet)
I know I've been a real bad girl (bad girl)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
'soever, We can make it better
And tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape

I wanna get away, to our sweet escape

You held me down
I'm at my lowest boiling point
Come help me out
I need to get me out of this joint
Come on, let's bounce
Counting on you to turn me around
Instead of clowning around let's look for some common ground

So baby, times get a little crazy
I've been getting a little lazy
Waiting for you to come save me
I can see that you're angry
By the way the you treat me

Hopefully you don't leave me
Want to take you with me

If I could escape (escape)
And re-create a place as my own world (own world)
And I could be your favorite girl
forever, perfectly together
And tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

If I could be sweet (be sweet)
I know I've been a real bad girl (bad girl)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
'soever, we can make it better
And tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape

If could escape...
If I could escape

Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold

If I could escape (escape)
And re-create a place as my own world (own world)
And I could be your favorite girl
forever, perfectly together
And tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

If I could be sweet
I know I've been a real bad girl (bad girl)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
'soever, we can make it better
And tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape (sweet escape)

I wanna get away, to our sweet escape



I am mad excited for this cruise. And after getting off the phone, knowing my beautiful girl is packed and ready to go, I am super psyched!

:)!

Rest In Peace.

So it's been a while, once again.

I just want to shout from the rooftops how excited I am for this upcoming weekend! I have been so busy on so many different projects that I haven't relaxed in a really long time. Which is awesome, because that's why vacations and cruises exist to the normal human being that kills themselves working anyways! To escape! :)!

After three entire weeks of penny-pinching and saving...not eating and working...I have finally managed to have the money I need to have most extraordinary cruise of a lifetime!

I have the reservations. The exclusive gold bar buffet with the luxurious private lunch. Not to mention the grand room cabin! :D! A real getaway that will take Barbara and I to the Bahamas! :)!

But that is not the best of it my friends. No, the best will be The Checkers we will be eating on the way over there. Lmaoo.

You know what, I'm really happy and proud.
After taking time to myself, establishing myself and completely throwing myself into my work, that is how I met the most amazing, caring, honest, solid girl out there.

It's such a breath of fresh air.
I mean sure, she leaves some things to the last minute and is always doing something. I would rather have that than a girl that doesn't do anything and tries to manipulate every second of her life, you know?

She's someone that believes that the past is the past, and the future lies within the present. I love it.

I am so excited to see her at 3:30am coming out of that last-minute-scheduled flight in which she paid with her paycheck she just received. I'm super-psyched.

We're going to have one hell of a weekend. ♥

Sometimes I feel like people neglect me. :/
But then I realize that it is because I am so busy, that when I finally have a chance and want to do something, people get over me and become busy.

Life can suck sometimes...I guess that is all.

Sun been down for days
A pretty flower in a vase
A slipper by the fireplace
A cello lying in its case

Soon she's down the stairs
Her morning elegance she wears
The sound of water makes her dream
Awoken by a cloud of steam
She pours a daydream in a cup
A spoon of sugar sweetens up

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And She goes...
Nobody knows

Sun been down for days
A winter melody she plays
The thunder makes her contemplate
She hears a noise behind the gate
Perhaps a letter with a dove
Perhaps a stranger she could love

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And She goes...
Nobody knows

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
Where people are pleasently strange
And counting the change
And She goes...
Nobody knows



Soraya, you're amazing.

So I've been out of the blogging scene, my bad! I miss you all. Whether in North Carolina, or in Louisiana, or here in Miami...it has been a while since I've been on here (unless I'm on the community askmeanything for food recipes lmao)

I guess a lot has been going on...I've been feeling a variety of emotions lately.

I have a very hectic schedule. I'm always running around, staying up late, waking up late...rushing to get stuff done while also organizing something else and trying really hard to finish a project and plan an event. I've been learning that if I don't stop to relax and enjoy the moment, everything in my youth is just going to pass me by.

I thought I was the only one that existed when it came to things like that...

...and then I met Barbara Castellanos.

There were a couple instances, a couple problems and a couple issues...but along with that were a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of late night munchie-dates...a lot of laughs in class, a couple late night parties and a lot of deep conversation.

Our career plans were similar when we first met in class, but now have changed.
She decided to go back to Forensic Psychology, a major in which she left because she thought she enjoyed advertising more as a potential career.

All while running like four things, she ended up dropping everything to go back to her home in New York because of her grandmother being very ill, and in that time period, realized how much she missed it.

So, we got together and most importantly, she decided to live her dream.
Just three days before she left again, things happened. Amazing things.

Honestly, from the bottom of my heart and soul; I don't know where this is going.
I think we as human beings assume things too much.
We end up jynxing things so much with how we want things to be, then to actually call it for what it is.

We've been communicating. She finally has a cell phone and so now we've been texting whenever we have a spare chance.

Hopefully, a cruise will happen in the end of June. I suppose I'll just put this at rest before I get over-excited. :)

On another note, with midterms at MIU finally being over (thank God) I've been organizing my portfolio with my past assignments and have been booking a lot of photography shoots and doing a lot of websites for local businesses

My dream is to own my advertising agency in New York City in which focuses on the design and promotion of Artists, Bands and Businesses within the industry. I've made that my catch-slogan...I mean I have my own business cards in which I give out all the time now to every meeting, event or premiere I go to or coordinate.



In addition to all my work projects at WB Engineering; my volunteered efforts and opportunities working for Grammy promotions at The Recording Academy and accomplishing my side-projects with The Advertising Federation at MIU & my other web jobs, what I would like to do is launch my own website.

This website though, will be the real deal.
I want it to have everything I've done and show everything I do.
Advertising, Photography, Design, Print, Web, Conceptual Design, Event Coordinating & Marketing.

That website will probably take a while to make, but I feel like I should take time off to pursue it.
Then I get reminded by my professors, my colleagues and even my boss that I should never even think about dropping out of school - and they're right, I mean I don't want to leave, promise to come back and then end up never coming back because of excuses.

I get three weeks between each new quarter...I figure I can at least get started on it by then.

*Pushes topic to side*

On my last note, I have taken time aside to spend with a couple friends. I need to take more time, not gonna lie,
but I have been grateful for my little adventures with Chibi and Bloo. <3.

When I hang out with them, I realize so many features about them that just make me laugh and feel like materialistic bullshit just doesn't matter. I hear about World of Warcraft, Torturro, Zelda and Final Fantasy Eleven and I just am so grateful that they are there and there for me.

(Chibi, please consider doing stand up comedy, I keep thinking of Casa De Haha, Your mother being Godzilla and how much you loved thos dick jokes. lmaoo!)

To end this entry, I'm gonna do some promoting! Here are some images from my last shoot:


I'm doing all the photography for what will be the hottest accesoryline in Miami.
Be sure to keep your eyes open for UNQ49! It's coming soon, and I'll give you the details as soon as I know myself.

D:
WTF!

ew.

Life is hectic right now with my exams, work and the usual ridiculousness with my car and bills.

But I just wanted to do a quick post about this weekend!
























Another awesome, interesting, tiresome, stressful-but-in-the-end-completely-worth-it event.
Miami International University raised over $12,000 to donate towards Cancer Research.

The Advertising Federation at my school rocks.
:)!

SPECIAL THANKS TO: "I'M NOT HOLDEN CAULFIELD" ADAM FERNANDEZ, KAILEY BILLINGS, HUNTER ALTSCHUL, HECTOR CASTILLO, MARCIA GOMEZ, JOSE RESENDEZ, JILLIAN SPENCER, DIANA LASSO, JUDY KING, SYDNEY REBECCA AXLER, PENN ARAGON, LINA BARENO, LINA VANESSA & ALEX HERRIA.

So...back to work.

So for once in my life, I saw what I wanted and took a bite.
I picked the fruit from the tree and it was ripe.


Wednesday, April 29th, 2009.

So I've been unofficially grounded all weekend...

( My Very Interesting Friday )

Here are some highlight photos from The Every Step Counts Relay For Life Showcase last Friday
(All of them are on my FLICKR Photostream | flickr.com/photos/marcusmillsadvertising

( Photos... )

So afterward I was headed to my car when out of nowhere I received an IM. The next thing I know, I'm in Downtown with Barbara chilling out at Applebee's and then ultimately ending up at The White Room (18+ Club! Wooo!) dancing and partying and actually having a good time and celebrating my youth...which is actually interesting that I rarely do.





That was one of the best nights I have ever had.
It was actually worth waking up to finding the key to the car missing.
Yeah, my Mom got pissed. I got home at about 7a.

I think the biggest problem though was because I was using her car and I went out late.
I guess now that I think about it, I'm lucky to be using her car and that I guess I shouldn't party with her car.

(Because I party all the time. -.- )

So it is late at night here and I finally made it to my house.
My crazy grandparents from North Carolina are here, and they are in my house.

Erm, so I think I'll talk about something else.

The Music Industry.
Holy crap. These past two days have been both a blessing and a curse.

Thursday was the showcase for The Grammys at The Business District of University of Miami. Through my connection of The President of Cane Records and my classmate Jessilyn, I was able to get connected and work the event as an intern. Woohoo!

It was very exciting at first, but most importantly, it was a huge experience for me.
There were about 8 producers that have signed and worked with the biggest recording artists today known to mankind...
And they were all in that event that I helped carry out.

I met them all. I shook their hands, and I gave them all my business cards.
They are all assholes.

It sounds horrible, and they actually didn't give me any kind of a negative reaction, but after finishing the event to clean up, I found out from my friend's band's manager (in which I told them to head on over and they paid $25 to just be let in) that they chose to NOT play or listen half of the Demos in which this whole event was for, it just amazed me.

I held about 20 CDs in my hand that were left in a room. Ignored.
And almost all of them were recorded professionally, with a unique design cover and everything.
It just goes to show how tough the Music Industry really is.

And then tonight I actually spent the whole day coordinating all the art with my classmate Jessilyn again for this huge event which took place on the roof of The MAC Museum Building. It was beautiful.

I picked, chose, met up, followed through, and made sure all the art in the downstairs lobby (which was huge, like a New York Studio Gallery) was hung and set for guests. It was freakin' awesome.

Deco Drive was there, Paul Mitchell's people were there, The New Times Magazine was there and it was especially awesome because I ended up coordinating all the photographers, videographers, basically anyone that attended the event to do some kind of voluntary service, was all set up by me and my classmate Jess.

I'm stoked.

There were A LOT of catty moments, and there were various situations that were absolutely horrible and just ridiculous among people, the people I worked with, partners, sponsors and even with the people I worked for...but in the very end, I work well under pressure, and I know they appreciate me.

The Music Industry is crazy.
Sometimes, when i think about it, I feel like it can even be worse than Fashion (Yeah Olga, I said it. It's freakin' NUTS)
Haha, when I think fashion I think of Olga. <3.

But yeah, I mean dude:
The way I see it through the corporate world;
Yeah, it's a must that you look good and unique and all that other shit just to get you through the door...
But you better sing...and sometimes, it isn't even about HOW you sing...it's your entire presentation with music in general.

if the bass is too loud or the drums are to snare-y, they don't care at all.
They will drop you or throw away your record that you spent years creating.

It is intense.

But, that is why I love it. A lot.
All the strength, knowledge and determination you have to have.
You have to take education seriously because that is what will make you successful.

I mean I've been thinking about it,
and what I want to do is finish my Bachelors in Advertising, of course,
but then get my Masters in Music Commercialism.

I want to own my own agency, and I want it to specialize in commercial relations and concepts within promoting artists.

Like, when the Super Bowl is coming out...what artist would be great to play half time?
I know! The All American Rejects! Because the audience there would love their preppy Hollister-like beats.

Or..Hm. Lady GaGa totally spit in the face of a huge A-List Producer and now her career is going down the toilet;
what will she do?

I want to handle those type of things, and manage the design and promotional work that gets done in order to make the right move.

So you learn more everyday,
and I am definitely glad I am learning.

"Regardless of Warnings, The Future Doesn't Scare Me At All..."
-Utada Hikaru

Something that has really been interesting to me is how catty everything has been in general, especially towards my Major.

Advertising is my passion, and I know everyone in my major is super competitive, but it gets really annoying when everyone rubs everyone the wrong way because they are all self-absorbed within themselves and are willing to do whatever it takes to be out on top...even stab each other in the back.

The person you loathe the most is most likely the person you end up working with the most as a partner for projects. It's like life always makes it work out that way - and some people can't take it - omg especially girls.

Not to say that girls are weaker than guys, because guys are incompetent with pretty much everything, are not dependable, and basically suck ass. But girls are vicious. They are cunning enough to not start shit publicly, but are catty enough to know what to do, who to talk to, and how to specifically fuck with someone so that they never work with them again. They basically take a knife and stab the person in the back so bad that they drop out.

And there's me, the one that isn't 100% pure plastic.
I mean sure, I do have my fake moments, but no matter how kind I can be, I always say what I feel needs to be said.
I try to be friends with anyone that has a drive to work under any circumstance, and when problems occur, I always try to be understanding, but I make sure they understand why things are happening so they can suck it up and move on.

Sometimes it really bothers me though, not gonna lie.
I mean when you see girls of different ethnicity coming on strong and not having patience with one another over something stupid, and then try to find plots to not let each other know of things for an event, it gets pretty crazy!

I feel like at least with me being a guy,
there is only so much fakeness for someone to go along with and try to be nice with until eventually, it becomes bullshit and I stop caring about the situation.

It's really annoying!

And it's not just with girls, either.
It's also with the intellectual guys.
Lately, I find myself working with a bunch of guys that are douches. I mean, I'm nice to them, and they are nice to me...
But they are douches.

They think girls like them when girls want to get away from them...
while they all have girlfriends...

I mean c'mon...

But hey, at least they're not willing to throw each other overboard to take all the glory...

Right?

Feeling your legs getting stronger as they slowly move up and down among the mechanically inclined steps
Vanes lunging out of your skin, tightened by force of muscle
blinking sweat as it rolls down your face and into your mouth to taste
The taste of self-passion.

I love locked entries. :)!

These are the shit dawg! Lol.

So here we go with another one of those ever popular epiphany entries.

Lately, I've been all over the place. I'm always rushing off to premieres and am staying up late setting ups events and living the dream that I've even sometimes forgotten about what it's all supposed to be about, and that makes me honestly feel like an idiot.

My birthday was painted out to be awesome...and then at the very last minute, the dust began to fade and I thought shit would be horrible. While it did have its moments of absolute horrid, with a car accident and a plan gone down, I did realize how lucky I am to have good friends that care about me and my happiness, that they would do anything to rearrange things and have the patience to try to make me happy.

Whether they went out of their way to track me down and give me a good birthday surprise, whether they set up plans with me last minute with optimism, or whether they just gave up trying to find me and just gave in to the game and called me to wish me well, I honestly thank God for that every night. It makes me so happy and lucky to know that people like that exist in my life.

Then my family gave me a special surprise and took me out of Miami for a couple days, which I think I really needed. I went to The Keys and everything was great.

This past week I started my 4th quarter.
I'm very pleased with my classes and am very happy that things academically are finally working out for me.

However, I feel like I'm really beginning to analyze myself on a deeper level than ever before.
I'm always setting up these events that are always created for a purpose, and while I see them as important, I never really focus on the purpose...I'm always so wrapped up in everything getting done and everything working out that I don't recognize the intention as well as I could now.

After literally going through complete and utter HELL of cleaning the house and everything last-minute for my Grandparents from my Dad's side from the hillbilly North, I find out last night that them coming over isn't happening for at least another week because they decided to spend Easter with my Uncle (My Dad's brother) instead and they basically blow us off.

So after trying to organize my schedule and make plans, to actually dumping them and making everything available to work out with my family coming, to then being blown off, I'm just annoyed now with free time, although I am trying to be optimistic and get things done with this opportunity.

I went to see The Hannah Montana Movie with Krystel last night, as a brother and sister type thing, thinking it would be ridiculous Disney marketing at its finest.

I walked out feeling like I'm a self-absorbed asshole that is beginning to forget the real reason why he decided to major in Advertising.

I feel like for us as humans, the biggest fight is the fight to control ourselves.

We need to realize where we came from, and we need to reflect on the little kids in us that once were quiet dreamers with messed up hair, budgets that consisted entirely of the money that their parents would give them wearing the Native Tongues shirts with ideas that were pure and didn't consist entirely out of fame, money and materialism.

And I'm not even addressing other things in my life, like girls, sex, intimacy and love...
But I feel like they are all connected to how you're behavior and outlook is as well.

Mine so far has been confusing...
I feel like I'm losing myself...

But now that I've actually woken up to myself (and the words of others)
I can finally accept things and just try to clean up my act and not be this self-absorbed Monster I've seen so many times in others.

I'm so lucky to have people in my life that care about me.

Goodness...so I feel like death right now.

Last night I had the best time ever with Soraya Papaya! Lmaoo. I honestly love days where you wake up late to a meeting, buy Starbucks and Dunkin Doughnuts for the entire office, as they praise you you take notes like a bitch, then even get to leave early and end up spending the rest of the afternoon into the late night with a friend whom you haven't seen in forever on such short notice. I love that shit.

We met up, went to the little Thai cafe in Kendall where we originally went a long time ago when we were all still in high school and even met up with Alex to eat and just talk. :)

After we ate Alex parted from us because she wasn't feeling well (hope you feel better dude!) and then we decided to drive my Mom's car to Dadeland Mall and take the Metro-Rail from there to Downtown. Throughout the night of pictures, video* Haha!, busrides and a lot of walking, we eventually found ourselves in Miami Beach, at ArtExpo, we discovered that there actually is a Little Italy that exists in Miami and it's off of an itallian/spanish name I can't even remember right now...and then on our way back noone was on the metro-rails and it was great.

I need to pump the vids to my computer and edit them. I can't wait.

So yeah, right now I'm half awake...barely making it through this design layout class which is completely what different than I expected...instead of computer digital magazine layout I thought it would be...it's a bunch of lines and numbers and tracing.

On top of that, my Mom told me this morning my grandparents from the north are coming down...and they are literally less than 24 hours away. They told us yesterday. Who the FUCK does that shit to people?

Ugh, well, gotta jet.

Later kiddos! :)!